Misadventures in Babysitting

Would you trust this person with your kids? I wouldn't. That's me at 13.

How do you entrust the most precious beings in your life to a total stranger?

So far, I haven’t had to ask myself that question because my mother-in-law has been incredibly generous with her time watching our children while I am at work.  It hasn’t been an issue so far because I worked part time. Next year, as in a couple weeks, I return to work full time. Now I am faced with the biggest dilemma of my life.

I remember what I was like as a babysitter at 12.  It is major reason I will never hire someone under the age of 20 to watch my children. I was the babysitter who took three kids — one of whom was only 3 — on a walk in a very dangerous neighborhood to Burger King for lunch. I bought the lunch with money I stole from their parent’s giant coke jar filled with change. Granted, I used it to feed their kids who ate nothing but ramen noodles and spaghettios every day because that was the only food I knew how to prepare.

With the same three children, I played ‘rollercoaster’ by strapping them into a chair fixed atop the dining room table and tilted them dangerously backwards to simulate the uphill motion, then thrust them forward quickly to simulate going down. Of course, I was as careful as a 12 year old can be — I strapped them in the chair with belts. They loved it. Their parents never knew. I know this because I wasn’t fired.

Of course, they may have known but that’s what you get when you pay a 12 year old to babysit your three children from 6:00 am to 6:00 pm for five days straight, and pay her only $50.00 a week.  That equals about $.83 cents an hour. So, you get what you pay for and all three kids survived none the worse for wear. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I had to use my babysitting money to buy uniforms for private school. Raw. Deal.

The worst thing that I did when I was sent to my aunt’s house to babysit her three children (what is it with my babysitting experience coming in threes? couldn’t they start me out with just one? sheesh!) was when I locked the two young boys — who I think were 2 and 4 — outside because they wouldn’t stop getting into the cupboards in the bathroom. I was busy on the computer painting a picture for my boyfriend using Paint with the help of my 6 year old cousin. I couldn’t be bothered to keep seeing what they were getting into. The umpteenth time the older one said he had to use the potty, I didn’t believe him anymore. And that’s why he pooped in a bucket in the backyard.

You get my drift.

A couple coworkers also regaled me with horror stories of young girls who babysat — one of whom took my coworker’s car as well as her 5 year old daughter and baby son for a joyride through the neighborhood.

Despite the horror stories, I have to face facts. My mother-in-law can’t be expected to watch my children full time for no pay for the next four years.

I have my meager position posted on a couple babysitting sites that I pay a membership for. I’ve had lots of applicants ranging from college students on break, actual local potentials, and even a 73 year old grandmother who’s retired but loves kids. We almost decided on an arrangement with a retired teacher who has an in-home daycare but with Lucas’ diagnosis of Kawasaki Disease, and our doctors orders to keep him away from other children and germy environments while on Aspirin, we changed our minds. Even though the doctor said he is now free and clear, the trauma of our experience with the disease gives me great pause when it comes to reconsidering the option. The upside of having an in-home sitter is that I don’t have to transport my children to someone else’s house five days a week before I go to work. The downside is that I could come home to my children being abandoned and all of our possessions stolen. But, that is obviously a worse-case.

We start interviewing next week. I hope someone can live up to my impossible expectations. What are your babysitting stories, either as a mother or as a babysitter? You can confess to me! I swear I won’t tell.